Some days I feel like a girl and other days I don't feel like anything. Please help. - JFCS of Greater Philadelphia

Dear Ally,

Recently, I haven't felt right. Last year, I had a feeling that had never felt before, and it was sickening. It was like my gender was incorrect. My friends told me I was experiencing gender dysphoria, and that if it kept happening then I may not be a girl. Now the feeling came back full force and I asked a friend for help. They said I may be genderfluid, but I don't feel like a boy either. Some days I feel like a girl and other days I don't feel like anything. Please help.


Dear Friend –

Thank you for reaching out to me – trying to discover your gender can be a really tough process, and it’s important to get support from other people.

Gender dysphoria is a really difficult experience to deal with – feeling like your gender isn’t right, and the way that you interact with the world needs to change… It can be really painful or confusing.

What you described to me sounds a little bit like being a “demigirl”, and maybe a little bit like being “agender”. You sometimes feel like being girl is a good fit, but other times it doesn’t feel like a good fit. You may want to check out the whole non-binary wiki, and see what terms feel true or good to you! I want you to know that, even though what you are feeling is painful and hard, it’s not unusual. There are many people who feel confused about their gender or who feel uncomfortable in their bodies or in society. By being introspective and asking questions, you’re taking some important steps.

You might want to find some peers to talk with who are also exploring their gender – if your school has a GSA, or there’s a local LGBTQ support group, that could be a good place for you to spend time. There is also TrevorSpace, an online group for LGBTQ young folks to discuss their experiences and interact with peers. If you’d like some help finding a local group, you could send me your city, and I’ll look around for you. But no pressure 😊

Good luck, Tanysa, and feel free to reach out with any other questions!

– Ally

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